Monday, August 23, 2010

A Heavy Heart

Every once in a while, I hear or see something that just sticks with me for a while. Most recently was yesterday in church.  The pastor shared a story of a young couple, just married 3 weeks ago, that were in a car accident on Saturday night. The wife survived, the husband did not. Married for just 3 weeks. Such a young life cut so incredibly short. His, and even hers in a sense. I don't even know these people, I may not ever know them, but their heartbreaking story has just stuck with me. All day yesterday, and through to today. I found myself crying, in the middle of church, for a wife, a family, that I have never even met. My husband clutched my hand a little tighter, both of us knowing that we need each other and not knowing what either of us would do if faced with the same situation. Maybe it's the fact that I only got married 4 months ago myself that makes the difference, I don't know. But I can't help but thinking of this man's young widow, and all I know is that her name is Tiffany.

Oh so cliche, but life just isn't fair. I think anyone who has any kind of spiritual faith has had questions, doubts, things that are still not understood. I know I have.  At the end of the day, there are way more things, feelings, emotions that make me believe in a very present, very knowing, very much in control God than not.  But stories like this make me understand how non-believers, or those wavering in their faith could question, and even doubt the existence of a loving God. And it gives me a heart for them, and the questions they ask.  And I'm not even going to get in a pulpit and point my finger down and preach about how unreasonable and abnormal and demonic that is. Because I think it's normal; dare I say I think it's a good thing to question, that God gave us a mind for that very reason, because only then are you grounded in your answers.

I don't have all the answers (although I know that's why you all come here to read my blog. No? Oh.).  I don't know the reason that things like this happen. I believe there is one, but I don't know it.  I don't know if I'd understand it anyway.  But I believe with a whole heart that it is going to take a power far greater than me, or you, or any pastor or medicine or counselor can offer for Tiffany to get up in the morning and start to rebuild her life. A life that she had planned, a life with the one person she loved more than anyone in the world, that now has to be completely reworked from the ground up. Oh where do you even begin? And how? More questions with no answers. People say that you will never know until you go through it...and then you just do. That there is a power, a strength that comes from within you, and that God gives you the strength you need, when you need it, and not a minute sooner.  I have never experienced an event that tragic personally, and I hope I never do. But I hope that those people are telling the truth; I hope that Tiffany and her family experience a peace that really does pass all understanding.

So for today, and for a while, I have a heavy heart for her and what she's going through. I'm so thankful that God gave me a heart to feel for other people.  I'm so glad that even though today is the first day of a new semester and that Constitutional Law already has my mind spinning, that Marbury v. Madison is not what I find myself thinking of in the quiet moments. That would be tragic, really, wouldn't it?  Instead I find myself with a heart for a grieving wife, so close in age and experience with me, and a heart for the questioners. A heart for the struggling, and an appreciation for all the blessings in my life, most notably, a husband who loves me no matter what kind of crazy I decide to be each day, who I don't have to spend my days without.  It's made me hug him a little longer, brush my reading for school aside just a bit, and not worry about finishing the laundry right away. Even though my not finishing the laundry drives him crazy, I know that I, and our time together, mean more to him than any lingering pile of delicates. And that, put simply, makes my heart warm.

Take a moment, say a prayer, count a blessing today. And join me in being thankful for a heart.

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